"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I will pee on everything he values.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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