Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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