I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize