im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
