You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
