Yo dont text me then not text me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
