I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
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