I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
