u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize