We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
