I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
