Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
