I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
