I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
