So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
