I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
