Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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