they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
