I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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