So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
