You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize