im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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