that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish you could order shots online.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
