it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He passed out mid-signature
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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