I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
