you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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