i'm signing you up for texting rehab
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
