He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
