you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
