Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
