Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
