im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
