saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
