Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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