i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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