What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
