You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
