Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize