its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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