I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
