based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize