Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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