**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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