OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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