I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
