He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We talked him into tasing himself.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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