We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
