That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
