the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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