i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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