I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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