We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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