I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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