took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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