My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
