Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
