You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
