my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
