doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
