Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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