you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
