fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
