it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My ATM looks so different sober.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm both gender and math confused
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
