I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
