maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i think i have two assholes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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