im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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