So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
