One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Houston, we have a blender
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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