Plan B is the new Plan A
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
