You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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