wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
