He uses pillows to masturbate.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
